Tag: grounding

  • Grounding

    In my twenties I was involved with a religious community that did a lot of heavy ritual work. One of the first lessons they taught and emphasized was the importance of grounding before and after a ritual. When opening up one’s consciousness to larger-than-mundane potential, un-groundedness could leave one vulnerable to overwhelm, nasty energy infiltration or emotional contagion, or avoidable accidents.

    When I came into the therapy world, I thought grounding was one of those “out-there” spiritual concepts that would be too weird for Western psychology, but I was surprised to find it deeply integrated into a number of practices and methodologies. Many trauma therapists intuitively or explicitly called for it.

    In the kinds of spiritual communities that are deeply New Age flavored and exalt the psychic realms, some folks expressed at best ambivalence toward groundedness. There was a sense that being too grounded means you’re not connected to the spiritual world, unable to hear or sense or connect with the greater-than-mundane beings with whom we share reality. And yet there were the people who were so deeply wedded to that realm and those beings that they seemed utterly flummoxed by the daily work of living in this world.

    Among Christians I’ve heard a saying, “Too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good.” There’s a lot of wisdom here, and while those Christians might not appreciate my extending this to include people who only wear purple because it activates the crown chakra, I see the relevance.

    Yet this separation between heaven and earth truly only seems to exist within particular cultures. It’s not the “truth,” not a splitting we have to heal anywhere but within our own bodies, practices, and communities. For in my practice, the more deeply grounded I become in my body, the more I become aware of that which is beyond the Self.

    As I’ve taught in my spiritual discernment workshops, what we might call spirits are experienced through the body and emotions as much as through an esoteric ritual text. My friend, essayist and firebrand Rhyd Wildermuth, recently reminded me that as recently as the Victorian era, emotions were considered to be qualities that came upon us from without. We were seized by “a spirit of despair” rather than being despair.

    Incidentally, this notion of emotions as “a spirit” seems deeply implicated in the demonstrable realities of emotional contagion, and connects us back to the cultural memory of animism that our mechanistic, materialistic cultural threads are embarrassed to acknowledge. Then there are people like Dare Sohei who are more deeply working that vein in ways that seem strikingly parallel to and ahead of my thinking.

    In the practice of Internal Family Systems, we can find these spirits within our bodies, and separate them out from consciousness, and come into dialogue with them. The more deeply we can practice this, the more clearly these parts become apparent and are able to communicate the truths and gifts they have to offer.

    Without groundedness, however, we have no anchor for the Self to be with and hear what these sprits offer. We’ve been born into these bodies and experience the world through all of the senses and truths they can receive. Our bodies can do things the gods cannot, and that is our gift and our curse. It is why there are gods who love and desire us, and it is also why we feel so often far from them.

    To become grounded, however, means to be of and with the body, and to experience life through the body. We are capable of these astounding capacities to separate from our bodies, or knot them up in confusion and fear, and these separations are gifts from those spirits trying to protect the Self from annihilation, yet they also inhibit the Self from achieving its full potential.

    Panic, for example, is the experience of a part of us that is ungrounded and terrified. Our panicking parts tend to live outside the present, either in a past horror we experience, or a feared future we fear is coming to pass. When the panic rises, we tend to want to move away from it, contain it, stuff it down, but that leaves the panicking part at the edges, alone in its terror.

    When we can ground and feel the body that is greater than the panic, and stay slow, stay present, stay breathing, we can gently invite the panic into that body and groundedness. We can help the panic to feel our slowness of breath. We can help the panic to feel the stability of the ground through our feet. We can help the panic to feel supported, loved, and held by our bodies, which can help that part become calm enough to then take in the truth of the reality it’s in, rather than the terror of the reality it fears.

    So grounding is always a useful practice, to make bodies into temples that the spirits may visit.

    If you’re curious and would like a guided grounding practice, here is one I recorded a few years ago that remains a favorite.

    Person standing on brown rocks on the edge of a precipice.
  • Keeping Your Head On in a Post-Truth Era, Part 2

    In my last post, I discussed propaganda as a tool of control and subversion, and observed that the cultural climate has shifted in such a way that it behooves us to engage consciously with the strategies and consequences of it. Instead of bemoaning propaganda or relegating it to one “side,” it seems to me wisest to acknowledge that it exists, it is effective, and it is widely employed.

    What to watch for is whether propaganda leads us toward personal and collective danger. The information we take in influences the mind, the heart, the body, and then our actions. Thinking about things that terrify me, I feel fear in my body, and I respond fearfully to otherwise innocuous things around me. When I can calm and defuse that emotional reaction within me, however, my mind is freer to engage rationally with propaganda.

    Thoughts and propaganda are similar in that trying to get rid of them is a poor use of energy. What is more useful is engaging mindfully, cultivating the ability to observe one’s thoughts and reactions with some distance and curiosity. Here are some ideas on strategies to do this:

    Image of a fist above text:
    Image of a fist above text: “Keep Calm and Decolonize Everything,” in a poster that evokes British wartime propaganda. From Oppression Monitor Dailey.

    • Understand you are being manipulated

    Objective truth might exist, but there are no objective people. We all have agendas, conscious and unconscious, and we want things from each other. I write this blog post because I want to live in a world of conscious human beings and I believe this is an important contribution to that. I also write this because I want potential clients to read this, go to my website, and sign up for therapy from me so I can make money. Both are true.

    These motivations shape the way we communicate information to each other. Effective persuasion offers information in ways to motivate desired behaviors. Ideally, we communicate accurate information in health-affirming ways. Sometimes, however, this motivation comes through deception—knowingly stating something that is false, or stating accurate information in misleading ways. (Much popular reporting on scientific research exemplifies this, presenting the research as much more conclusive than it truly is. See also most clickbait headlines.)

    When interacting with others, it’s useful to consider what agendas are in play and decide how we want to engage with them. Does my agenda match yours? Can I work with your agenda in a way that meets mine? What I do then is an active choice. Even if someone is actively trying to con you, and you recognize it but decide to go along with it, you are now a co-participant rather than a person being manipulated.

    • Cultivate curiosity about what you know and what you feel

    Even when you have a practice of not clicking the obvious clickbait-y titles of articles, it’s hard not to see that “[Celebrity] DESTROYED [this politician] over [controversial issue]” and unconsciously internalize the story. At times, reading the actual article In some cases, reading the article intentionally would be more helpful, as it would help you evaluate for yourself whether someone was “DESTROYED.” You might also attend to the ways the article is shaping the story. Some articles will take one sentence of an actual thing that happened and add paragraphs of speculation and unverified claims.

    Dangerous propaganda roots in unexamined assumptions and those Id feelings of lust, anger, fear, vindictiveness, hope, comfort, and pleasure. It finds safe harbor in our bias and bigotry, our assumptions about whomever we perceive as an enemy or an “other.” It is nearly impossible to stay conscious about all of this at all times, but when we feel particularly provoked we might sit with some questions:

    • “How do I know this to be true?”
    • “Where did this knowledge come from?”
    • “What evidence supports this knowledge? What evidence contradicts it?”
    • “Is there someone I respect with whom I can talk to about opposing views?”
    • “What feeling does this bring out of me? How strong is this feeling?”
    • “Who benefits from my thinking and feeling this way? Who gets harmed by it?”

    This is largely about curation of the mind and the heart. It’s difficult to make thoughtful choices when I’m ramped up into fight, flight, or freeze. If this article or commercial stirs up panic about the future, is that going to help me effectively navigate it? If this propaganda wants me to meekly accept what’s happening and go along with something that assaults my core values, is doing so in my interest?

    It’s easier to engage this practice when we don’t want to believe what something is telling us. It’s harder to do this when we do hope or fear something is true. Doing this practice with both is useful. When something seems to confirm your greatest hope or your greatest fear, take a step back.

    • Make a list of what matters to you

    What do you stand for? How do you think people should treat each other? Who are your allies in this?

    I recommend identifying five core values, often one to three words, which could be written on a card you keep in your pocket or posted on a note around your home. Periodically I will revisit these core values in terms of my life or responses. If I say I value kindness, for example, I could spend a week looking at how I am practicing kindness in my interactions with others, and whether the media I’m consuming supports kindness or undermines it.

    Having five might not seem like a lot, but the interaction between them becomes complex. If you need help, here is a post that includes an exercise on identifying your core values.

    • Ground regularly

    An image of a fist, surrounded by rays, around which are the words
    An image of a fist, surrounded by rays, around which are the words “Defend Equality” and “Love Unites.” Does this align with your values?

    In this context, grounding is the act of bringing awareness into the body, the present moment, and our connection to the earth. Simple ways to do this include: focusing on the feeling of your feet on the ground, your butt in the chair, or the weight of gravity holding you to the earth. Look around the room and notice what is there. The body lives in the present moment, and so when the mind and heart get ramped up into intense fantasies, contacting our senses brings us gently back to “what is”.

    When I guide people in grounding, I often encourage them to notice the stability of the ground in this moment. When I do this, a part of my mind says, “But there could be an earthquake.” And I acknowledge, yes, that is true, but in this moment I can feel through my feet that the ground is stable. That is the point. I don’t need to deal with an earthquake that’s not currently happening.

    Recall this next time you feel stirred up by potential threats to your safety, especially when it’s the hypothetical possibility of violence, or a conflict that is happening miles from where you live. Notice the feelings engendered and how the media you consume invites you into a political “us-vs-them” drama, away from listening and connection.

    Then try grounding. Right now, in this moment, is your body safe? Does the ground feel stable? Are you around people you trust? Is anything catastrophic happening? What in your life at this moment could benefit from your attention? You have power in your life, more power than you do in those political narratives. Do something meaningful for yourself, and then revisit the drama. What feels important now?

    If you want support, this link will take you to an audio recording I made of a grounding exercise.

    Most of all, I urge us all to turn away from these grandiose, Internet-fueled feelings toward engagement with what’s in our lives today. When you find your energy being turned against a vague enemy, redirect that passion toward what you value, what you are for.

  • Grounding and Expansion

    For your ease and wellness, I have recorded a guided meditation practice that I do often with clients. This meditation has been useful for people struggling with PTSD triggers, anxiety, chronic pain, and other overwhelming physical and emotional experiences.

    The meditation is not about eradicating uncomfortable experiences, rather finding our inner capacity for spaciousness and presence with discomfort, distress, and pain. When we have spaciousness and presence, much becomes possible that is not when overwhelmed.

    I recommend you use the meditation in a space where you feel safe and will not be disturbed for about ten minutes. I recommend that you practice with the full meditation the first few times when you are relatively calm—not in an urgent crisis. As you get more comfortable with this, you can very easily simplify it and draw upon it during your day.

    This is freely offered. I ask only that you share it with attribution to me, and not use it for your own profit.

    Download link to Grounding and Expansion