The contemporary atmosphere of paranoia and conspiracism has frequently reminded me of my childhood in the 1990s when the Satanic Panic was vibrant and mainstream,…
Self-Sacrificing Allies Do Not Serve
The first time I heard about “being an ally” was during my undergraduate years in the early 2000s. “An ally” generally meant a person who…
For Love’s Sake
A Victorian-style poem about embracing the totality of light and dark.
Acceptance and the Roots
If I were to distill the essence of what I’ve found therapeutic, that in turn I offer to others, it’s that we must stop fixing…
The Myth of Being “the Chosen One” is a Narcissistic Ego Compensation for Our Lack of Belonging
During the course of giving and receiving therapy it’s become clear to me that many of us live with an apparent paradox: on one hand,…
A Ritual for Times of Crisis
“The thing about that is, most of those expectations come from a world we no longer inhabit. So we are in a time of thick fog, trying to follow a path once suggested to us that we can no longer see. We can hardly feel confident about what we think is coming down the path.
…
We need to get lower to the ground, to feel and sense our way through, until the fog clears and we can see again.”
Quarterly Newsletters
As Facebook is no longer a useful tool for reaching my audience, I am establishing a New Year’s intention to begin using my e-mail newsletters…
Collective Guilt and False Innocence
Recently there was a commercial for a local news report on the legacy of the residential schools to which Native children were compelled to go,…
Firecraft and Will
Too many of us, when we’re feeling low energy or stuck in life, expect ourselves to be able to fire up some heavy fuel. Then, when we fail, we think it confirms our fate as incompetent failures. But all it means is that we’ve added too heavy of fuel, too quickly, without awareness of these principles.
So if you’re starting cold and want more energy in your life, instead of making a huge commitment to a task like starting graduate school, try finding some tinder and kindling tasks that you can get started to build your enthusiasm and energy. Start with one new habit, like washing your dishes more often, and do that for a couple weeks until you add the second.”
Consent When You Don’t Know What You Need
/”Yet there are times when the person we want to love or care for is unable to be clear about what they need from us. When we reach out to loved ones and say, “Let me know what you need,” that expression of caring might not be enough to get an authentic answer. The person we want to support may not know what they need; may not know how to ask for what they need; or may feel shame and terror at the vulnerability of asking. These three states are obstacles for establishing consent. For the rest of this post, I’m going to discuss each obstacle and offer suggestions for ways we can work through that not-knowing and learn together what is needed.”