During the course of giving and receiving therapy it’s become clear to me that many of us live with an apparent paradox: on one hand,…
Letters to Men: #2 – Goodness, Shame, Sex, and Integrity
Dear men of all kinds and ages, Many of us grow up burdened with the mandate to “be good”: moral, exemplary, worthy of praise and…
Letters to Men: #1 – Swords and Cups
Dear men of all kinds and ages, This letter began after feeling provoked by a discussion about social justice and masculinity, and whether men and…
Forgiveness, when Accountability is not Possible
Forgiveness and acceptance go together, because forgiveness, as I understand it now, is about recognizing that we truly were doing all we were capable of doing. With accountability, there is an expectation that you or I can do better. To that end, in accountability I demonstrate respect by communicating boundaries, clarifying expectations, and working to build mutual understanding.
With forgiveness, it is clear this was the best we could do together, and expecting more from the relationship gives rise to greater hurt. To forgive is not to say that what happened was acceptable, or even that the relationship can or should be restored to what it was.
Judgment and Boundaries
“It is easy to be kind and nonjudgmental toward another person’s choices when the consequences do not impact our own wellbeing and stability. And when those consequences do impact us, it is not wrong to have judgment and boundaries about what we will accept.”
Respect yourself. Respect each other. Respect the work.
One practice I learned from the Reclaiming tradition was the work of establishing group agreements for communication and working together, in ways that respond to…
The Liberatory Flame
In the United States, we are passing through a threshold of change. At this moment no one is sure what will be on the other…
Stillness is the Move
The blog title comes from the song “Stillness is the Move” by the Dirty Projectors, which also has a lovely cover version by Solange. Meditation…
The Stigma of Mental Health Medications, Health, and Self
Introduction: Stigma In the course of therapy, sometimes we reach a point in which one’s mental and emotional struggles are so overwhelming that it’s time,…
Unbinding from Powerlessness, Rage, and Returning to Power
Cynthia Wang of the Kellogg School at my alma mater, Northwestern University, has an academic interest in conspiracy thinking, and has engaged in a number…