Social norms are the ways we make it possible to relate to each other and the ways we inhibit each other from actions that would cause too much harm or disruption to the group. Some words are unsayable, thoughts are unthinkable, actions branded as crimes that carry the consequences of expulsion or incarceration, all to maintain the cohesion of the whole at the expense of the freedom of the individual.

Yet these restrictions are never fully comfortable, never fully resolved. The individual with our unique needs, our unique ideas and thoughts, our desires will push against those norms seeking to make new space. Sometimes, circumstances or conspiring forces push radical changes to collective norms to which the group must adapt, or else it fractures into conflict.

The season of Aquarius is a phase of the radical restructuring, the shifts of governing norms that could empower some individuals and suppress others. As Mercury moves through it, its quickness of mind and cleverness of will wants to move faster than the collective can tolerate, creating confusion. Our understandings could empower us to gleeful trashing of obstacles, or overwhelm us with feelings of helplessness, but neither can possibly be complete. Every impulse invokes its countering impulse. To change radically invokes the countering pressure to maintain the status quo. To behave recklessly and quickly invokes the slow but powerful countering of great containing force. To attempt to constrain and suppress invokes the upwelling of resistance.

If you can, let your mind take in these dualities as they move together. The symbol of Aquarius is like two lightning bolts moving in parallel, and so too are these forces of revolution and oppression, radical change and resistance. On a cosmic level, these forces could easily dance together. In our human bodies and human lives, these forces radically destabilize us in their warring. Drink water and try to get rest.

We might be feeling both the sharp urgency to fight and the despair of feeling as though our blows are limp and flailing. Take a moment and notice all the people who care with you, care for you. You don’t have to like all of them, agree with them, or even consider them allies. But notice the help that is offered to you, and all those who are doing what they can. You, too, can do what you can without doing everything.

When feeling out of control, it’s good to remember that fighting is an option. You can plant your feet, shout no, and resist what is coming your way. But that is also a very exhausting, depleting response. It can be too reactive, too simplistic, and we can say no to too many things just in the urge to maintain some sense of agency in the situation.

I find that honoring my anger and taking action is one way of feeling alive in this world, even if I don’t get the outcome I want. The deeper lesson is that standing up for one’s self is always an act of self-respect that cannot be stripped away, though it certainly risks consequences.

Today is a day to honor the angry and hurt parts within us that need to be strong and need to stand up. Give them energy to take meaningful action—to speak to the person who could do something about the issue, and not just to a nebulous horde. And take time to have fun, to rest, to play, to live your life. Make space for your full self.

One lesson I took away from behavioral psychology is the limits of punishment for getting the outcomes you want. It has a function—when delivered in a timely and direct way, punishment decreases the behaviors you don’t want. But it doesn’t teach the behaviors you do want. All the punished one knows is that thing it just did incurred consequences.

To teach, to lead, you need a clear vision of what you want and the capacity to communicate it and encourage what you want by rewarding and praising when you see steps moving in the direction of what you want. You can’t just get sullen, withdrawn, and vindictive when you don’t get what you want. That diminishes connection and, over time, encourages covert resistance and disobedience.

Whether you like it or not, a chapter is closing and old ways of doing things are ending. There is suffering and there are opportunities in this moment. Life is not fully beyond your control but you must accept the things you cannot influence so you have more energy to focus toward what you can.

Today is a time to grieve if that feels right, or celebrate if that feels right. Write out what you will and won’t miss about life before this year. Let it become fertilizing ash for the life to come

I am taking a needed vacation from regular posting, and appreciating this moment in which exalted Venus in Pisces is in a friendly connection with flailing Mars in Cancer. Both love an ocean, where Venus is abundant and expansive in her great love for all beings, while Mars is the crab on the beach that will mess you up if you get in his way. He wants safety and sees mostly threat, while she sees what is beautiful and elevated and might overlook the real dangers and faults.

This feels like a moment rich with the opportunity for delusion, and imaginary danger may bring forth real consequences. I want to secure what I love, strengthen my defenses while keeping my heart open. Strong boundaries allow for grace and generosity.

In my forthcoming book Slow Magic, out in a couple weeks through Llewelyn, I offer the frame that whatever future we’re imagining shapes our behavior in the present.

This feels important in this moment as our collective mercurial energy slogs through the matter of fact but quite future oriented Capricorn and makes opposition to our martial tendencies flailing in emotional, defensive Cancer. The worries are real, as is the vigor for shoring up our homes and protecting our wellbeing.

And it’s worth trying to imagine further than short term fears. There will be a time when this moment passes, or even opportunities in times of upheaval, and a calm mind may find possibilities where a heated one sees only obstacles. It is not useful to ignore dangers, but remember and keep focus on where you want to go.

A personal maxim that guides my therapeutic approach is to cease being at war within the self. When we approach every part of us with friendliness and curiosity, taking for granted that it’s trying to help and not giving up until we’ve learned how it is trying to help, so much becomes easier inside. We end up at the desired destination—decreased tension and anxiety, more aliveness—but through a path that initially seems counterintuitive.

So it is that today I want to honor and thank the parts that worry, the parts that see concerning news and imagery and feel troubled about what is to come. They serve their purpose, they serve us in so many ways. And it is also true that there are limits to them, and they can drain us in their worries when there is little to do other than be aware of danger.

When I am with a worried part, I try to listen to its concern, identify any proactive action I can take, and thank it for its service. Today, I was noticing a part that felt deeply concerned by gestures made in a public event yesterday that herald back to an authoritarian government that we fought against almost a century ago. I decided to share my concern in the hopes that it would be considered, perhaps validated, or I could get some reassurance that what I feared was not the trajectory of the country. I went to a government website where in the past I would be welcome to send in a comment, and found there was nothing there. No invitation for feedback, no comments. This strengthened the concerns of my worried part.

If we do not allow outlets to express concern, they will only grow in intensity. Trying to silence, suppress, or ignore that within us that has fear does not make it smaller. May we all grow in our capacity to bear witness to each other’s concerns.

Today the security urge wants to lean away from hard conversations and talking about the wounds that keep us from being ourselves. After a long fierce advocacy, the urge is to retreat into harmony. We can see the ruins of what happens when there is war without love or mercy, and we have reasoned fear it. Today is a day to find solace and strength in sharing your burdens with trusted loved ones and partners of all kinds. What is carried alone is intolerable, but what is carried together is easy and light.