Dear men of all kinds and ages, Many of us grow up burdened with the mandate to “be good”: moral, exemplary, worthy of praise and…
Therapy through Screens
In spring of 2020 a global crisis—you may be familiar with it—compelled me to move my practice entirely to Telehealth. This transition was not smooth.…
Letters to Men: #1 – Swords and Cups
Dear men of all kinds and ages, This letter began after feeling provoked by a discussion about social justice and masculinity, and whether men and…
Grounding
In my twenties I was involved with a religious community that did a lot of heavy ritual work. One of the first lessons they taught…
Defeat is Mastery
“For this reason the experience of the self is always a defeat for the ego.” – C.G. Jung For 15 years I have been a daily meditator, with some disruptions,…
Forgiveness, when Accountability is not Possible
Forgiveness and acceptance go together, because forgiveness, as I understand it now, is about recognizing that we truly were doing all we were capable of doing. With accountability, there is an expectation that you or I can do better. To that end, in accountability I demonstrate respect by communicating boundaries, clarifying expectations, and working to build mutual understanding.
With forgiveness, it is clear this was the best we could do together, and expecting more from the relationship gives rise to greater hurt. To forgive is not to say that what happened was acceptable, or even that the relationship can or should be restored to what it was.
Untangling
In my twenties, I took up knitting because I found it intriguing and I liked the idea of learning a skill that could be put…
Vulnerability is Not Safe
“In trauma-informed perspectives, when we’ve experienced hurt we develop parts of us that seek safety, a state in which we can be fully ourselves without fear of being physically or emotionally harmed. Yet these protective strategies are our weapons and our armor, and what creates safety for ourselves may legitimately make others feel unsafe.”
Loneliness
Having been a child who spent a lot of time alone, I went into lockdown thinking, “This’ll be fine, I know how to do this.”…
Dreaming as Escape and Invitation
When I was younger and felt less at home in the world, one of my escapes was to wrap my awareness into daydreams. These dreams…