Meditation on Division and Wholeness

Today I can stretch to include more of myself. I notice the urge to choose between and cut away, dismiss, or marginalize something. A part of me wants to say there is only one correct version of reality and the rest are deceptions, lies, or pathology.

I notice my mind racing, trying to figure things out. I notice restlessness, the urge to act and do something, the belief that doing something will dispel the restlessness and bring me peace. I notice that acting and doing and thinking seem not to bring peace but support the cycle.

I do not need to reject my mind, my activity, my busyness. Right now, I can take a breath into my center, and imagine I can drop my awareness into my heart. My heart carries another truth. My heart longs to experience this moment in all its juice, complexity, pain and delight.

I can take a breath and drop deeper into my body. My body that wants food and water, wants to be active and wants to be still.

What would it be like to imagine holding these parts together? What lies between the instinct to act and the longing for rest? What would it be like to feel both disappointed and grateful? Can I allow myself this completion? Can every part of me have a place at the table?

Within these seemingly conflicted and contradictory parts of self is a wholeness. We can connect to this wholeness by noticing first the feelings of division, the apparent contradiction and conflict. If we can tolerate this, we can feel into the emptiness and space between parts. That emptiness is the fabric of Being, that which makes us whole. Within that space is stillness, silence, emptiness, the dark matter that allows the stars to shine.

Do not be afraid of feeling divided. Invite your conflicts and contradictions closer. Let them speak, and take a breath, and imagine you can sink into the space between them.

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